The Friendship Contract; No one owes you anything, accept and move on!
As is, we have heard enough people come out in the public with a pitiful story, people whose lifestyles we envied, people whose pictures we pinned up on our bedroom walls as kids, now helpless and sick and lonely coming out to smear the pity paint and guess what else they do? What everyone else would do, blame their friends for not caring enough, not going to see them often enough.
I am going to be the devil’s advocate and come to the defense of friends. The vulnerable and defenseless friends that people love to blame for deserting them, especially when things do not go so well with them. It is easier to apportion blame to your friends than to go searching your past to find out your own fault.
To be honest, it is always nice to help, but nothing means anything. You owe no one nothing, and no one owes you anything, apportioning blame? That is what we call emotional black mail.
I am going to be the devil’s advocate and come to the defense of friends.
The vulnerable and defenseless friends that people love to blame for deserting them, especially when things do not go so well with them. It is easier to apportion blame to your friends than to go searching your past to find out your own fault.
A few years ago, when Dr. Bitange Ndemo’s phone suddenly stopped ringing, he thought it had a network hiccup. He had not been telephoned a whole day, and it was because he had lost his prestigious government job; his ‘friends’ had moved on. Celebrated TV host Louis Otieno was once adored by all but is now unwell, lonely at the bottom and with no friends to lean on.
To be honest, it is always nice to help, but nothing means anything. You owe no one anything, and no one owes you anything, apportioning blame? That is what we call emotional black mail.
In my opinion, the friends should be given a chance to tell their side of the story. So here is one.
“I once had a friend who made it in life and ever since he did he changed his number, I would meet him in town and he would give me a phone number and he would change it again, but now I can see his family posting a pay bill number on Facebook for his treatment in India,” Dennis says.
The nature of life is such that priorities change even for sisters, best friends, and brothers, but when you enter into a friendship with someone, it is a sort of contract. Not the kind of contract that means you both have to give up everything on the spot for the other person regardless of your own personal issues and worries.
There is an unwritten friendship rule, by mutual agreement. That whether or not one decides to keep the friendship with the other for the period of the contract will only be determined by one’s ability to adhere to the articles of the contracts.
If you happen to have changed your priorities towards other things, especially your own self or kids or your new wife, business or job and sacrificed the friendship contract in doing this (which is totally acceptable because you don’t owe anyone anything), you have fired yourself from the friendship job and you are just not allowed to suddenly come back and upgrade the people you left behind while climbing to your new status back to “friends” when it suddenly becomes convenient; you have to apply for the job afresh. You cannot eat your cake and have it. This is the friendship contract.
However, should you breach, let it be known that nobody may ever tell you that you have breached the contract out of courtesy and hope that you may see the light. This is where, it differs with the family contract, don’t confuse the two. We never give up on family.
The world does not work like a perfect engine and the Friendship Contract isn’t even a tangible thing, but if there were ever going to be a law of friendship it would look like this.
- Help each other out as much as you emotionally and physically can without detriment to your own physical and emotional health.
- Be kind, patient and understanding to each other without detriment to yourself.
- Look out for one another – yet again, without detriment to yourself.
- Be honest with each other –
EVERYONE has their own unique path so they say, and yes in your path to greatness and success, people sacrifice things, people sacrifice their friendship contract. Sometimes we end up making more contracts with other people who don’t share the same values and rather look into the friendship as an opportunity to gain something, money, favors, status, to name but a few, and such is the kind of friendships that we unfortunately make when on our paths to success, friendships devoid of truth and value, friendship of the bottle and sex, friendship that you shouldn’t be surprised a bit that never once even existed; Friendships that do not deserve to be called so.
The people we call haters when we are at the top, the people who try to stop us from living beyond our means and trying to give the impression of success are our true friends, jealousy and envy might play a part, they are humans, but do not wait for the time they will have to say “I told you so!” Search within yourself and stay true to yourself and others.
There is an adage that goes by the wording, “show me your friends and I will show you who you are”… It could be that given the circumstances, the people who complain the most would have done the same, worse or has already done it…. fair enough.
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